At some point in my post-arrival, neurotic-ridden, emotional state there was a shift. It was an organic shift, it just simply happened. The knot in my stomach and grip in my chest has significantly loosened over the last 36 hours and tonight I found myself laughing so hard my stomach ached (in that hurt-so-good way).
I must say, I am in total awe of the amount of support I've received from people this week. Friends and family really came out of the woodwork to reach out and just let me know that they're there. Really, if you're feeling down--go public! It's a great way to know who's paying attention. LOL. But seriously, thank you to everyone who emailed, called, etc...it's given me the emotional support I need to see things more clearly.
Karma is falling in love with America. Really, he just LOVES it here. I gave him some maps today and he found his way to the Berkeley Marina Pier, took photos, walked at least 5 miles and made it home without a hitch. We went to dinner with Kate & Sean (or "CakeSean"as he calls them, which is great because Sean has the biggest sweet tooth) and he seemed so at ease. He knows that they're close friends of mine and he was just going for it with his English. He was making jokes, telling stories, explaining some of the things hanging in the Nepali restaurant we were in and talking about Dharma. It was a great evening. When we got in the car he said he couldn't wait to speak more English so he could really get into deeper conversations with them. My heart was dancing.
We have spent a lot of time laughing these past couple of days and it's melting the walls around my heart in so many ways. A couple of good fart jokes always do the trick!
Here are some highlights:
- I was griping about the difficulty of folding a fitted sheet and he said, "it's because it's shaped like a ladies 'shower hat.'"
- Couples should not sleep with their butts together because if their farts converge the world will quickly disintegrate
- America's diverse restaurant selection is like "the UN of food, with representatives from all countries."
- I go to an aerobic kickboxing class that he's deemed "kung fu" and has made several comments about hiding behind me in times of danger
Karma also told his mother and aunt about us and they responded very positively! He said he was so happy he wanted to dance, but even after I pleaded with him, he wouldn't actually do it. They wanted to know all about me and my family. I was meditating when he talked to them, so when I walked in the room he said, "my girlfriend just finished meditating," which probably sounded good on my "resume."
I am grateful to feel so connected, loved and happy. I am also grateful to have experienced the less-than-warm and fuzzy emotions this week. I really appreciate having to look at this whole situation from many perspectives and not be in a blissed-out state that could wear off later and leave me feeling shocked post-marriage. I'd rather sit, watch, investigate, etc...now, rather than look back and think, "how the hell did I end up here."
Holding a flashlight through this experience and coming from a place of curiosity and compassion feels in line with how I aim to live each moment.