I'm happier than I can remember being in a long time. Like, years.
I feel like there's been some sort of energetic shift and that all the compartments in my little world have collided & integrated into one ball of sparkling, energetic bliss. I swear I'm not high.
Since my last post I've moved in SF and Karma's finished a one-month retreat in Arizona and landed in Upstate NY. He's doing really well and seems excited to be there. This time living apart has done wonders for me and given me the space to really, deeply appreciate our friendship and my love for him as my brother. I don't feel strange at all in saying that. I see on a very core level how and why we came together and have now moved into different directions. He will always be part of my family.
My life in San Francisco is so rich and I've really carved out a little home for myself in my new apartment. I felt immediately comfortable living here and I never thought that it was strange to wake up in this new space. I just knew it was right.
All those times I had to practice patience last fall, when I was daydreaming of having my own place, and didn't rush out and get one, they have paid off. I have come out on the other end of this divorce feeling connected to myself in a way that I have NEVER experienced. I've been jokingly saying to my friends that I'm now married to myself because for the first time in my life I truly love me. I love being alone and am not desperate to run out and get into a new relationship, or even casually date, really. I'm home on a Saturday night, alone, and wouldn't have it any other way. It's not that I feel like I'm trying to isolate myself, or avoid people, either. I've been spending a lot of time with friends and various groups I'm part of, I just savor my time alone.
|Mountain goats like being alone, too. I'm not sure if that is an actual a fact, but I really like this photo...|
Ever since I was a kid I can remember feeling like I didn't want to be alone. My parents would always arrange play dates for me and let me bring friends on vacations with us because as an only child I hated being alone. I always felt bored or lonely. I haven't felt either of those feelings lately. I feel grounded. Content. Spacious. Compassionate. Loving. Glowing. Giving.
I feel like I'm finally tasting what the essence of life is really about...and it's sweet...and I want to share it with everyone in the world.